My brother, Ben, and I visited our family in M'town yesterday. I sometimes worry that the next time I visit won't be as much fun as the time before. Not that it has to be entertaining and belly-aching laughter all of the time. But do you know what I'm talking about? This worry? Perhaps I'll be in a grumpy mood. Or they'll be tired. Or whatever. People can't always be funny.
Or maybe they can.
Because, I swear, every time I visit them, I laugh. I laugh so much my face hurts, my stomach hurts and tears stream down my face. Maybe it's because I'm just so damn happy to see all of them.
As we were driving home, I was wondering....."How the hell am I going to blog about this?" Because I have to blog about it. I have to share how wonderfully funny these people are. I know I don't do them justice. I know that. You have to be there to get how funny they are. But I can try. What's so difficult about this particular trip to M'town is, "Can I blog about what was said? Will other people find it as humorous as I did?" I'm not sure and I'm not sure I give a damn either. Not embarassing my family is a high priority, though. Oh hell. Who am I kidding?
Apparently all of us have bowel issues. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise in this day & age with irritable bowel syndrome to cover the diagnosis of the doctor's-not-knowing-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you. We either go too much or not enough. One of our "family" members goes once an hour. Another goes once a week. It's no wonder people tell us we're full of crap. Having the initials "BM" should have been a warning sign for all of us. But when the one who only goes once a week says that she left on vacation and "came back with what she went down with", she's not talking about a boyfriend or husband or a cute, kicky top. Nope, she's talking about her bowels.
If you're not laughing now, maybe you shouldn't read any further. I'm not sure it gets any better than that.
The house next to my aunt's is for sale. It's been for sale quite some time. While we were relaxing after our rambunctious game of Spoons (of which I lost....horribly), a couple came to view the house next door. What did we all do? Scramble to the windows to stalk-watch them. What were the words that came out of our mouths? "They're white! They're skinny!". I think my grandma may have flashed them from the bathroom window.
Speaking of grandma, here's where it gets tricky. I promised you poop. I delivered. I promised you sex. I give you grandma. Just thinking about the words that came out of her mouth, cracks me up. But I'm not sure I can repeat them on this blog. I'm not sure she would appreciate other folks knowing what she said. She's a character & she appreciates funny. But I wouldn't want to get on her bad side.
So I leave you with this sentiment.
"I put out, but I'm not easy!" In reply? "She's been married 3 times and I know for a fact, she's never been easy."
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