"Heat, ma'am! it was so dreadful here, that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones." ~Sydney Smith, Lady Holland's Memoir

It's hotter than Hades outside.

It's hot enough to fry an egg.

It's hotter than two rats making love in a wool sock.

It's so hot the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

It's hotter than a snake's butt in a wagon rut.

It's so hot I just saw the devil dancing buck-naked in the middle of the driveway.


Guess what? It's HOT! 

I've never been a summer person. Well, I take that back. I think as a child, I played outside all summer long. I'd come home with poison ivy, ticks on my head, scratches up & down my legs, and sweating profusely. But I recall loving it, though reading that sentence, I have to wonder, "Why?"  Now, I hate it. As Haley Barbour puts it, "I hate it like the Pope hates sin".  I can't breathe. I can't eat, which might be a good thing ya big tub of lard....I can't hardly move. I'm physically exhausted.  I watched a man today (oh, to watch him everyday) clean off our parking lot and seal it.  He worked for 3 hours and was drenched in sweat. I just kept thinking, "there is no way I could do your job" among some other not-so-Christian-thoughts.  And I'm dreading Saturday when I'm supposed to help trim trees.  I will literally be dripping sweat. It will not be a pretty sight. 

I'm a sweater.  No, not the thing you wear in winter though I'm dreaming of those days.  I mean I sweat profusely. I'm not like other women who "glisten".  Sheesh. To be able to glisten instead of have sweat roll down my face....I carried a 21lb bag of cat litter and a case of soda up two flights of stairs last Friday and was drenched.  My hair was drenched. My face was drenched. I had to take a cold shower just to stop sweating!   As soon as I step outside, my feet are slipping inside my sandals because my feet are so sweaty.  It's a bit disgusting, really. So, now, maybe, you understand why I hate summer so much. I'm a bit gross in the summer. Not that I'm not gross all year round....

Oh for the ice, cold, frosty, snowy, wind-chill-instead-of-heat-index days of winter!!  You can't get here soon enough!