“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer”-- Clement Freud

I'm a smoker. Even though I'm 1/2 analog and 1/2 electronic, I'm still a smoker. I smoke in my car. I smoke on my breaks at work. I only smoke in my apartment in the morning. Otherwise, when I'm home, I'm vaping on my e-cigarette.

Apparently, I'm not proud to be a smoker. Don't get me wrong. I will continue to smoke. There's something about it. Call it addiction. Call it habit. Call it love. Whatever. I don't truly want to give it up. And I'm the only one who can make me quit. It's a decision that I have to make. Berating me, hounding me isn't going to make me quit. It's like the guy who tailgates me. That doesn't make me go faster. It makes me go slower just to piss you off. Telling me it's 'bad for my health' doesn't help either. What, you think I haven't heard? My response to this is always, "Isn't that the point?" It confuses the berater.

There's something about someone else telling me how to run my life. I balk at it. The fitness nuts are in the parking lot getting ready for "boot camp" and I was really jonesin' for a cigarette before my meeting. So I hid. But I had a running commentary in my head if I bumped into the fitness nut. Picture this fit, epitome-of-health, red-cheeked chica in her workout gear. She'd be all, "I can't believe you smoke! Don't you know it's bad for your health? You should quit...and work out with us!" And my response would be to run for the doors. Cause fitness nuts scare me. Thankfully, this didn't actually happen. But it made me think.

Smokers have been shoved into the closet, out into the street, hiding their dirty little secret. Oh, remember the days when smoking was "in"? You could smoke anywhere! Offices, hospitals, schools! My favorite t.v. show is Mad Men. They smoke and drink all day...while at work! It's amazing.

I can't even imagine that time because for as long as I've smoked, I've been shoved outside, to hide my filthy addiction. I'm not even saying I would want to smoke inside. I hate the smell and I like the time away from my desk and people. And I know it kills. I'm amazed my cats haven't died yet because of my addiction. But whose to say this is going to be the thing that does me in? I could be hit by a runaway deer tomorrow (I actually had this thought this morning. I was driving, my window was down, it was dark/sunrise, and I thought, "What if a deer comes running at my car and my window is open and its head hits my head?" That would be comical. Mostly because I'd be more afraid of fleas than actual injury.)

Just give me this one thing. This one addiction. Can't I just have one? OK, there's the Diet Pepsi, too. So give me 2 things. OK, and the Tombstone Pizza's. So maybe 3 things. But that's it. That's all I've got. At least give me that.

Don't judge smokers too harshly. Maybe that's the only thing they've got to hang on to. And my mentality is, "I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them." -Ian L. Fleming.