"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet." -Rodney Dangerfield

Oh if only that were true. My father probably carries around an actual picture of all of us because that's the kind of dad he is. Poor man. If I ever get a hold of his wallet, I'll secure the important things and burn the pictures. It isn't that I don't enjoy pictures. I do, I do! Just not any with me as I am now.

I used to be such a cute kid. I think. And even as a teenager, I was pretty. Now, not so much. My face has gotten more crooked over the years....the teeth more yellow from soda & smoking...the hair more gray and falsely colored....You know. You've read that blog post.

I can generally get out of any situation that requires me to have my picture taken. Unless I want to be in that picture. Sadly, I'm always disappointed afterward. Why don't I look more like I think I look? I want to continue living in that delusional world and a picture brings me back to reality.

But now I'm in a situation that I'm not sure I can get out of. Can anybody, really? It's the age-old church picture directory. Scream in terror! OOoooh, the agony! As a staff person, I may be required to have my individual picture taken to be recorded for all time in the 2010 church directory. Why, oh why, would anybody want that? I can understand those folks with families. I can even understand those who want to have their pets with them. What I can't understand is why I would need to be in there.

Here's why I think I should get a pass:
1. I'm on staff. People who join the church or who are new employees of the church will meet me. They don't need to see a rotten picture of me to know who I am. That'll just give them a bad impression.
2. I might break the camera. It's true. It's happened before. It'll happen again. And I don't want the ladies (who shall remain nameless) having any more ammunition than they already have to say bad things about me.
3. Speaking of those ladies, if they get hold of a picture of me, they could use it as some sort of voo-doo-torture device. Do you want that to happen?

My "get-a-pass" ideas aren't that great, are they? Why don't you share with me some ways to get out of this? I don't want to end up on some website of "HorribleChurchPictures.com".