"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." -- Marilyn Monroe

I'm a Methodist nun.

Actually, the United Methodist Church doesn't have nuns, but if they did....OH! if they did, I'd be the Mother Superior of all Methodist nuns.

What makes me a nun? I live in solitude. I'm celibate. I gave my life to Christ. All right, you caught me. It's mostly that I haven't dated in 4 years, okay?

And that's not even entirely true. I've had one or two dates. It's just...how can I explain this without sounding like a total train wreck? It's going to take a really special man to tear down my shell and get me to be myself, to trust them, and to actually want to spend more than 10 minutes with them. I can barely spend 10 minutes with myself. How am I supposed to want to spend my life with someone else?

Maybe it's because I've been out of the dating scene for so long, but is it traditional for a man to gift a woman with flowers, chocolates, wine and a football jersey on the first date? Not in my world. Is it traditional for a man to smother a woman after only speaking to her once? Is it traditional for a man to think that flattery will get him everywhere?

*sigh*.

Thus, the nunnery....or whatever the Catholics call it. I guess I should find out if I'm going there, eh?

The undergarments made of wool might do me in. If I'm a nun, do I really have to dress like one? I'm thinking that's a deal-breaker. Sorry, God.