"Men get laid, but women get screwed." ~Quentin Crisp

I just can't help myself. This is too good to pass up.

This morning, I was listening to the CD "You've Got Mail", which if you have it, you know it's a lot of older tunes relating to love. I think that may have helped the situation. I may have been the impetus for the lovemaking that occurred on my balcony.

Yes, that's right. I said lovemaking on my balcony. And, no, it wasn't me. But keep your minds in the gutter, 'cause that's where mine is.

Have you ever heard squirrels go at it? I mean, really go at it? It's an odd experience and if I had a videocamera you'd be experiencing it right now. But since I'm lame and don't have a videocamera (there are some moments that just shouldn't be taped), I get to share what I experienced through the written word. I hope I do it justice.

Two squirrels were acting like they wanted to kill each other out on my balcony. Literally, kill each other. My cats were in a frenzy....They (the squirrels, that is...not my cats) were making noises I hadn't heard before and since I hadn't heard them before, I wagered they'd end up making babies while I watched. Yes, I'm a pervert. It was distracting! I couldn't do anything else! Don't judge me.

That poor female squirrel. She was trying with all her might to keep the male squirrel away. So typical, right ladies? She was fighting. She was running. She was screaming. Oh, but that male squirrel. He knew he'd get his. It went on for a good 5 minutes of her dodging, clawing, screaming for him to just "Leave me alone!" but he finally got what he was so determined to get.

It took a whole 5 seconds.