"God is a callous bitch" Part Deux

And here's why.

When I first started working for the church, I realized it's not full of hot, single, healthy, mature, childless men. It was a bit of a disappointment. But that's not why I started working there...it just would have been an added bonus. Doesn't God want all of us women to procreate? Well, if He does, he's not putting the right men in my path. And it's just as well.

I received an email last week from a church-going, divorced, good-looking, healthy man (not childless). It said something to the effect of, "When I see your name in my email inbox, it's a breath of fresh air". Just goes to show you, he doesn't really know me. He knows Church Amy. She actually is a breath of fresh air. Normal Amy is not, however. And there's the rub.

First, let me say, I wouldn't go out with anybody associated with my job, regardless of how fantabulous they were. I mean, if a good looking, normal, not-living-with-his-mother, employed, single-never-married-no-children, actually-interested-in-me man walked into the building, I might quit my job immediately. But how likely is that to happen?

Second, this man is way too nice for me. You know what would happen. I'd go out with him once, be fabulous on the first date, then never want to see him again because I'd realize, "Wait, I don't want children. I don't want a man with that much baggage. I have enough of my own" and I'd cut him loose. Awkward.

So what happened yesterday? Nothing with this particular gentleman, but another member of the congregation asked me if I was single. I must have been looking particularly good yesterday. Granted, I was sporting a dress and that's unusual, so I think it confused most people. This member is happily married and was asking if he could set me up with a divorced friend of his. What was my response?

Sure.

SURE?!?

What the hell was I thinking? Why do I say yes? Why, why, why?

Because there's a slim chance...it might be as slim as a Slim Jim, but it's still a chance...that this might be the one to blow my socks off. This might be the one I actually fall in love with. This might be the one I can spend more than 10 minutes with and not want to kill. This might be the one to convert me from never-wanting-children to actually not wanting to kill them. There sure is a lot of "kill" in here. I hope it doesn't trigger some Homeland Security on my ass.

And that's why God is a callous bitch for not making me a lesbian. I am deeply disappointed in my interest in men.

Because no matter about my rant in Part I about being happy alone, it scares the bejesus out of me to think "Who will I have when these people in my life go?" Just me. And I'm not that great.

Thank God for good books. And porn.