I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I want to be Amish so I can, with religious conviction, shun people.

As I was leaving my apartment this afternoon, listening to my neighbors blaring television and reliving a moment not that long ago when I greeted him with niceness, I had the thought..."Boy I wish I could shun people."

Which led to other thoughts of former punishments for lesser offenses. What about the stocks? What about the pillory? What about the Scarlet Letter?

I used to be of the mind that those were horrible, horrible forms of punishments.

Now I'm not so sure.

Today, for what society deems minor offenses, our checkbooks get hit instead of our faces with rotten tomatoes. At this point, I'd take a tomato to the face instead of my pocketbook. And who wouldn't mind sporting a fancy red letter A on their chest? I wouldn't! I'd love it! It could simply stand for me. As for shunning, I'd welcome it. Believe me. Please shun me.

There are a few people I'd like to put on public trial and sentence to the stocks or shunning. Could I be the only judge? Would society grant me that much power? Let's be honest...it'd go straight to my head and I'd be drunk with it. Then society would put me in the stocks and not only throw soft, rotten tomatoes at my head...they'd throw not-quite-ripened watermelons. Not good for me.

I've never consciously shunned anybody, but looking back on it, I have shunned one person. But not as a punishment to them, because is it really a punishment if I don't speak to you? Isn't it a pleasantry? Anyway, the crazy old lady who went off on me at my apartment complex, then called the cops to say that I tried to assault her (listen lady, there wouldn't be any try about it). I've shunned her. When I pass her on the sidewalk, I completely ignore her. But, as I said, not as a punishment. As a safety precaution to myself. Obviously she's crazy as a loon, and I have no idea how she'll turn things in her head, so I want nothing to do with her. Shunned.

Could I put my neighbor in the stocks and tie his yappy little dog up right next to him so he could listen to it bark for hours on end?

Now that would be punishment...and sweet, sweet revenge.