"In the end there doesn't have to be anyone who understands you. There just has to be someone who wants to." ~Robert Brault

I don't know what to blog about regarding dating Craig. I'm happy. He's happy. We're both happy. We smile a lot. We make googly eyes at each other. I feel lost knowing I won't spend the night with him. I feel lost without him near me. I love Facebook and his messages to me. I love that he calls me when he's heading home from work, or he'll text me, "On my way home hot mama". This morning's message was "Still smiling" which in turn makes me smile. I love that he brings dinner or makes dinner at his place to feed me. Otherwise, we'd be eating frozen pizza's every night or just drinking coffee, if it were up to me.

I just need to be careful not to get ahead of myself. I need to enjoy this time, right now, these moments and not worry about the future. What will be, will be. All I can do is be my best (& my worst) and see if he sticks around.

He knows my sobriety is the most important thing to me and that I won't allow anything or anyone to jeopardize that, including him. Take him or leave him, I will not drink because of him. He can do whatever he wants - he just knows I won't be around for it. I'm secretly hoping he won't be able to live without me by summertime, so he'll just stop drinking all together and tell the guys, "Sorry, no go, I'd rather be with her." That isn't realistic, but I can fantasize, can't I?

Last night we ate and then "watched" J. Edgar Hoover. I fell asleep and so did he, on the couch. I could have stayed there all night. I don't remember walking to bed, though I know I did. I hope he guided me, though running into things would explain the bruises I have on my body that mysteriously appear. I sleep like the dead because of the meds I'm on. His snoring doesn't even bother me. Though his alarm does and then I'm awake. For a few hours....then it's nap time.

We're trying so hard to get one day off together. I'm trying to get a Sunday off when he doesn't have his kid, Jake. That would be next Sunday. It's not looking good. Nobody wants to work Sunday 6AM-2PM. So then he starts talking about taking a day off work. What a gentleman. I don't even know what we'd do together, but it'd just be nice to wake up without an alarm, take our time getting out of bed (wink, wink), take our time getting ready and maybe just relax and watch movies all day or go shopping or whatever. Just spend the whole day together without killing each other. We've survived it once, I think we can survive it again.

It's amazing to me that we haven't gotten sick of each other....yet. Maybe that day will come and maybe it won't. So far, it hasn't.

I hope that lasts....

February 5th we'll have been together a whole month and maybe spent 2 or 3 nights apart that whole time. I think that's a miracle....for me. Usually I'd be "Get out of my space! I need ME time!" but so far, I have plenty of "me" time during the day and want Craig-time as soon as he's off work.

I'm a giddy, ga-ga, smitten little girl. Blech.